OKAY, OKAY, I WROTE THE BOOK
As they used to say in the Prince
Valiant comic strip: The Story Thus Far:
We were off to KTSA in San Antonio where Don Keyes would guide us to a dominance
of the market.
KTSA was just the second station in what would become one of the most
influential radio companies ever, The McLendon Stations. And we were the four
guys Gordon had chosen from all over the country. I came from Tucson, Bob Cooper
from Minneapolis, Frank Bell from Austin (?) and Don French, who would be our
morning man was from Fargo North Dakota. Don was a large man with a super-size
talent. He was absolutely charming and his humor was very low-key. You simply
could not stop smiling when you were around “Big D.” I learned to love Don
almost instantly and over the years I hired him three times, first to PD KDWB in
Minneapolis, then PD of KEWB in San Francisco and lastly to replace me, at KFWB.
Next to the promotions which Don Keyes brought with him from KLIF and which
really gave KTSA it’s soul, Don French’s personal promotional adulterations were
hugely responsible for the spectacular success of KTSA. The one that comes to
mind was his endurance contest with the rest of the broadcast world. Don French
had heard about some guy in Flint (?) Michigan who had set a record for staying
on the air continuously without any kind of a break for three days, French was
determined to set new records. He asked Mr PD, Keyes, to “break format,”
something only Gordon with his three minutes movie commercials had ever been
allowed to do. Keyes said okay and here is how he remembers it:
Don French decided to try for the
dee-jay marathon record. I don't remember how long he stayed awake but it was in
the vicinity of three days. He was doing a remote from the entrance of a shoe
store in downtown S.A. and one night, close to the end, I drove down to give him
some moral support. He was getting pretty punchy at that point and really wasn't
too responsible. He was playing a cut from Dean Martin' album "Swingin' Down
South". The cut was "Mississippi Mud" which contained the line “It's a treat to
beat your feet on the Mississippi Mud" but when Don re-capped the song he said
"Dean Martin there with "It's a treat to beat your meat on the Mississippi Mud".
I thought I'd collapse out of sheer fear (of the FCC) but we never heard another
word about it.
Here is another Of Don Keyes' remembrances about our “wild life” at KTSA:
In an attempt to get out of the house one evening you and I got in one of the
KTSA mobile units and Cooper and French were in the other one. I would break
into the regular broadcast by announcing that I was in Mobile News Unit #1
cruising San Antonio's north side and then I'd switch to Chuck Blore in Unit #6
and simply hand you the mike. You would carry on at some length as to where in
San Antonio you were in Unit 6. Then, we'd call in French in Unit#3 and he would
do the same with Cooper from KTSA mobile news unit #5. He would hand Cooper the
mike at which time Cooper would let us know that everything was pretty quite on
the western front. What a hoot it was! Ah, those were simpler days and great fun
days too!
Thank you, Mr. Keyes.
I did noon to three at KTSA, once again hiding behind what was now a veritable
stable of unstable voices, the most loved one of which was Clara Wortlethworp a
lady who was into her middle age and into her liquor.
When you do alternate voices on the air, it is amazing how they develop
personalities of their own. Clara had a very strong personality and she, truly,
would often surprise me with her interruptions. As an example, one day I was
doing a commercial for Sears selling a barbecue with a 17" brazier.
“That’s brassiere.” interrupted Clara.
“That’s nuts!” was my reflexive response.
“No. You’re nuts. That word has to be brassiere.”
“Whoever heard of a seventeen inch brassiere?”
“Well, my dear,” was Clara’s demure response, “I don’t like to brag but under
this sensual chartreuse angora ...”
“Oh, come off it, Clara. I’m talking about a brazier with a seventeen inch pit
for hot coals.”
“Well, I’ve never heard them called hot coals before, even though that’s not
totally inappropriate, but the seventeen inch pit sounds just about right for
what I’m carrying. You think TV’s a boob tube ... hah!”
It was something like that anyway. Never planned, and always kind of exciting,
at least to me, because I really never knew where we were going. Funny thing is,
there was a columnist for a San Antonio newspaper named Ed Castillo. He started
quoting Clara in his Bexar Facts column. (Bexar, pronounced ‘bare,’ was the name
of the county we were living in.) Before long Ed confessed that he was afraid he
was actually falling in love with Clara and he put little love notes to her in
his column almost every day. And you know what they say, “You can’t buy that
kind of promotion.” Well, Clara of course would respond with some sort of
evocative question which would trigger a new response from Ed and thus the
romance grew into a flame so hot, according to Clara, it would take The San
Antonio Fire Department at least a week to put it out.
One day while I was on the air, a nice looking guy showed up in the studio and
watched through the glass. He made a ‘May-I-come-in?’ kind of a gesture and
during the next record I went into the studio where he introduced himself ... Ed
Castillo. I asked him in and we, actually he and Clara, went on the air to tell
the audience the exciting news ... their first face to face meeting. Clara
immediately suggested they do something which might get them an “X” rating.
“Just think of the numbers (ratings) we’ll get.” she cheerfully chanted. “Bare
Facts might take on a whole new meaning.” That’s when Ed released the bombshell
... he was a married man. Well, Clara was inconsolable. She cried and cried and
I actually had tears coming out of my eyes. Weird.
My second most memorable San Antonio moment was when Don Keyes came in while I
was on the air. Don said, “There’s someone here who wants to meet you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Gordon.”
“McLendon? Wants to meet me?”
In San Antonio, as I had done in Tucson to protect society from someone who
“Didn’t have much of a voice, “ I constantly produced a lot of little
“entertainment pieces” for use on my show. Gordon was having these things taped
and using them on KLIF. I had spent many sleepless nights being pissed about
this, but at that point Gordon McLendon seemed like the next thing to God, and
how do you tell the next thing to God you’re pissed at something He’s done? I
had my answer ...You don’t!
“Chuck, this is Gordon McLendon.”
“How come you’re taking all my stuff and using it on KLIF.”
“Take that as a compliment,” said Gordon, “I like some of what you do.”
“Yeah, but I use that stuff to make my program unique.”
“That’s a very good idea.” Gordon responded, “You’ll be happy to know I’m using
them in the same way in Dallas, to make KLIF a little more unique.”
“No, you don’t understand.” What he did understand was this punk kid was way out
of line. He said, “I’m afraid it’s you who is not understanding.”
Then, all of it came blurting out. “I want to be the world’s greatest deejay. I
know I have a long way to go but every now and then I can hear what I’m after in
what I’m doing and I know I can be the greatest deejay ever. But I have to be
unique”
I will never forget the look on Gordon’s face. Absolutely expressionless. But Oh
God! The expression in his eyes was fearful, the most intimidating thing I have
ever experienced. He stared dead in my eyes and what he said made me dead in my
heart. “I have a station in El Paso. You are going to be the PD.”
“No. I don’t want to be a PD. I want to be the world’s best deejay and I know I
can do it.”
“No you can’t.” Adamant. “You’re going to El Paso and you’re going to be a
program director.”
“No, really Gordon.”
“No, really Chuck, you are going to be a program director and I think you’ve
made a wise decision.”
I was going to be a program director. The wisest decision I would probably ever
make.
(...to be continued)
