OKAY, OKAY, I WROTE THE BOOK
Connie Francis drops in one day, some other equally attractive (well not in her
case) personality, the next. Almost everyday, I was ‘seeing stars.’ Was it
because I was such a nice guy? Or, did it somehow have to do with the fact that
I was PD of the most popular radio station in the country. Every now and then,
common sense would somehow intrude into this ... miracle that I was living. I
would realize, it was all about the station’s incredible power to make records
into hits.
Bob Murphy was the name of Columbia Records West Coast promotion man, and in
addition to being able to hang a spoon from the tip of his nose, he was very
good at his job. I liked Murphy a lot. One day, Bill Angel, our Music Director,
brought Murphy into my office with a lanky looking country kid named Jimmy Dean.
“Got your next Number One record, Chuck.” said Murphy, “And here’s the guy who
made it.”
Jimmy handed me the record. It was an acetate (a temporary reference copy). They
had come directly from the recording session, Murphy assuring Jimmy that they
had to get this to KFWB ... right now! “It’s called Big Bad John.” Jimmy said, “
It’s a story about a miner and how tough that life ...”
“Sounds like Tennessee Ernie’s old hit, Sixteen Tons.” I interrupted, “Is it
country?”
Jimmy was a very honest guy. “I don’t know.” he said, “ I guess you could call
it country. But it’s more just me kinda talking and singing at the same time.”
We listened to his record and I thought it was really something special. Jimmy,
Murphy and I were kind of grinning at each other, nodding positive nods, until
... the last line of the song ...
‘At the bottom of this mine lies one hellova man.’ “Ah, man, shit! We can’t play
that.” I said,
“If we were to say “Hell” on the air, we’d get a couple hundred letters from the
idiot fringe and we’d have to FCC all over our butts. I’m sorry man. No way.” It
sounds absolutely ridiculous today, but Hell, or even Damn, were absolutely
forbidden “profanity!” How times have changed, eh?
“I can change it.” said Jimmy.
“Ah, man, No. It’s a good record.” I said, “Other stations might ...”
“Murphy says if we get it on KFWB.” Jimmy interrupted, “We’ve got a good shot at
having a big hit. I can change it.” And they left.
Next day they were back again. We listened to the new (and improved?) version.
The last line was now ... “At the bottom of this mine lies a big, BIG man.”
Fabulous. We made it our pick. It was #1 in two weeks. A big, BIG hit.
It wasn’t long after that, a playwright by the name of Ross Bagdasarian decided
to take a shot at the record business. His first record was one featuring
speeded up voices singing in harmony. “Sounds like chipmunks.” someone said.
“They’re supposed to be little kids.” Ross responded.
“No, man. They sound like squirrelly little chipmunks.
“Great.” Said Ross. “That’s what we’ll call ‘em.” That may not be totally
accurate, but it was something very close to that. Next thing was to get the
record played on the radio. That’s where I came in. Actually, that’s where he
came in, to my office. The record he played for me was a very sweet little
Christmas song, with a long, over a minute, instrumental bridge. Then, the
entire song repeated, and ... fade out.
“I like it.” I said, “It’s cute. Very sweet.”
“Great!” Said Ross.
“Except ...” Me again. All the faces in the room, faces belonging to Ross, Don
Blocker, ace Liberty Records promotion man and Bill Angel, ace Music Director,
suddenly went from huge grins to looks of ... “Except???” “Except what?”
“The bridge is too long ... it gets boring.”
“What do you mean, boring?” Don said. “You said you liked it. It was cute.”
“Well, the little creatures are cute, but that instrumental ...” I was a little
uncomfortable. A second ago I said I liked it and they obviously thought that
meant KFWB was going to play it. Now, I was saying, “You’re just waiting,
listening for the cute part to come back.” Obviously KFWB was not going to play
it.
“You want to make the bridge ‘cute’? Asked Don.
Ross said, “Maybe one of the Chipmunks could sing a little solo there.”
“Yeah,” said Bill, “It needs something to keep you tuned in.”
“Let me think about a little solo.” With that, Ross and Don left leaving their
grins behind them.
Two days later, they were back with a whole new label on the record and with a
new name on it as well; The Chipmunks with David Seville. Well, this David
Seville guy, was Ross Bagdasarian’s “stage name”and he really knew what he was
doing. The sweet little song was there ... at least the first part of it. But,
where I was expecting a sweet little solo, there was now a war going on.. The
chipmunks were fighting amongst themselves over a hula hoop and I don’t remember
what all. I do remember David Seville shrieking at one of the misbehaving little
rodents ...ALVIN!!!! And within a few days that shriek was being heard across
the land. Everybody latched on to The Chipmunks.
I remember Bill Angel telling me he had just spoken to the CEO of Carl’s Shoes,
then a huge shoe store chain. Mr. Shoes wanted to know to whom he would have to
speak to get permission to put a copy of The Chipmunk Song in every pair of kids
shoes they sold between then and Christmas.
The Jimmy Dean and Ross Bagdasarian stories are similar, in that both songs were
changed because of what was said in my office. What made them such huge hits
was, the station played them more heavily than they might have because we had
played a part in their creation. To be played on KFWB, at that time, almost
guaranteed your record would be a hit. Matter of fact, one day Bob Murphy was
hanging out in the office and we were talking about the remarkable power of the
station, and it’s influence in the music business. “You could make anything a
hit.” said Bob.
“Nah, if it’s not in the grooves, it’ll never be a hit no matter how much play
it gets.” was my response.
“C’mon,” said Murphy. “You could make the Mormon Tabernacle Choir a hit group.”
“Are they on Columbia.? Bill Angel asked.
“Well, yeah, but they’re way in the ... Classical Section, I think.” said Murph.
“I have nothing to do with them.”
“And this is your way of saying they should be our pick?” I was joking when I
said that.
“God! Would that be something?” said Angel, “Now, the KFWB Disc/Covery, The
Mormon Tabernacle Choir rockin’ their way to your hearts with, The Battle Hymn
Of The Republic.”
We all had a big laugh. Then, Bill looked at me and said, “Let’s do it. What do
you think?”
We did it. It REALLY stood out amongst all that rock and roll. Then, a miracle
happened.
It became the Number One best seller in Southern California. Number One for at
least a month.
An even more hard to believe miracle occurred when all of the copy cat PDs
across the country made it their pick. The Battle Hymn Of The Republic made it
to Number Five on the National Charts.
Amen.
(...to be continued)
